How I learned to overcome my fears & embrace product conflict 😅

Have you ever kept quiet in class, at work, or even with friends — just because you didn’t want to start an argument?

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What if we can look at conflict and, instead of running away from it or getting ready to put on our boxing gloves, we welcome the conflict with open arms and an appreciation?

Let's redefine conflict and move forward with a new shared understanding called productive conflict.

Productive conflict is an open exchange of different ideas where everyone feels heard, respected, and unafraid to disagree to find a solution that everyone can accept.

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It's an open exchange of different ideas. 💬

• Start the conversation knowing that people will think differently.

• Instead of feeling surprised, angry, or defensive, accept that different opinions are normal and okay.

Everyone feels safe and respected. 🤝

• Each person should feel like they can share their thoughts without fear.

• Even if their opinion is unpopular, they should still be listened to and treated fairly.

• Sometimes it helps to have a neutral leader or trusted person to make sure everyone is heard.

It's about finding a way forward. 🚀

• The point isn’t to “win.”

• It’s to leave with a solution that everyone can agree on and move ahead with.

Conflict doesn’t always have to be negative. In fact, research from Harvard Business Reviewshows that when teams feel safe to speak up, they perform better — they become more creative, make smarter decisions, and collaborate more effectively.

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On a personal note, when I was working on design projects at a company, I would always speak up and share my ideas. I never avoided conflict, but sometimes people felt like I was bossing them around, even though that wasn’t my intention. It made me realize that conflict isn’t just about saying what you think — it’s also about how you communicate.

So I started using the five strategies below to overcome conflict. Little by little, the team started responding differently. We were able to combine our ideas better, and I noticed I became someone people enjoyed working with. It really showed me that learning to handle conflict the right way can make a big difference for everyone.

1. Be empathetic and listen actively.

• Show the other person you truly understand them.

• Repeat what they say to prove you hear them.

• Notice what matters most to them: why are they in the conversation?

2. Give feedback constructively.

• Start with what’s going well, then mention what’s not working, and finish with something positive again.

• Avoid saying “should.” Instead, try: “Have you thought of…?”, “I recommend…”, or “You may want to consider…”

3. Take responsibility, not blame.

• Acknowledge what you could have done better or what you learned.

• Apologize if needed.

• This helps calm strong emotions and keeps the conversation productive.

4. Pick neutral locations.

• Avoid having a discussion in someone's designated office space or usual space at home.

• Choose a place where everyone feels comfortable.

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5. Don’t take it personally.

• Focus on the goal, not winning.

• Remember: everything said is about the problem, not you.

• Stay committed to walking away with a clear plan.

On a personal experience: When a teammate shared a different approach to my design idea, I tried to see it from her perspective. I notice her suggestion added more value, and together we created a better outcome. From that moment, I learned to appreciate that we’re all different and each view matters. 💡

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You and a friend both want to be the team leader for a school project. The discussion starts to get tense. What should you do first?

A. Tell them why you're the best choice and argue until they agree.

B. Listen carefully to why they want to lead, repeat what they said, and share what matters most to you.

C. Suggest splitting the leadership tasks right away.

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Try these steps in your own life:

Challenge: Try at least one step in a real conversation this week. Notice how it changes the outcome. 🎯